We have a game for you. The rules are:
- All five of your fingers must be replaced by the same food.
- When you eat/destroy your fingers they will grow back.
- You must explain your choice.
What would we do?
- Bananas – Okay, so you don’t know this about me but I am obsessed with bananas. Each week I probably go through 10-17 bananas. They’re just so versatile! Banana waffles, yum. Bananas and peanut butter, delicious. You just can’t go wrong, so having an unending supply on my hands would be a fuckin’ dream come true. Now, let’s think practically. First of all, I would want them to be unpeeled, that way I’m not constantly smearing banana gunk all over everything. Secondly, I want my thumbs and index fingers to be hella ripe bananas, like as green and chalky as they come. They would be so stiff that I could still grip and manipulate things on the regular. My other fingers will be at the perfect pre-browning stage so I can devour them at any time without the overwhelming sweetness that comes with age and ripening.
- Toast – You also don’t know this about me but I’m even more obsessed with toast. Carbs to be exact, but toast in particular. Don’t even get me started on slathering my toast with butter. I’m from the south y’all, I have a problem that can’t be helped. I digress. Thinking of functionality, the hardness of the toast would, again, allow for more use of your hands. I imagine the toast being in a more sliver shape, that way you don’t have 5 big whopping pieces of toast on each arm. Think of the size your sleeves would have to be to get your hands through them! Now, visualize everything you can devour with your new toast hands. Cheese! Strawberry jam! Cocoa almond spread from Trader Joe’s™!
- Lindor milk chocolate truffles – I’m willing to suffer a life with debilitating hands if that means I have an unlimited supply of truffles. They wouldn’t be totally useless, but on a warm day I would be shit out of luck. They would just become so gooey and sticky. With love comes sacrifices though, and this is one I’m willing to make. Ya girl gonna need a personal trainer tho, that’s all I’m sayin’.
- Bugles- Anybody remember those salty, crunchy triangle shaped chips that fit so perfectly on fingertips? They were the first thing to come to my mind when replacing my fingers. I imagine they would make great fingers, maybe because I used to stick them on my actual fingers so much.They’d probably be a little stubby though, I don’t think I’d have the mobility I would need necessarily. And I don’t even know if I would eat them that much to be honest, but I’d be able to give a mean back scratch and that’s what’s really important here.
- Baguettes- I’m really not sure how these would look, but wow am I ready. Like Lexie, I love me some toast. But instead of pre-toasted slices I want five massive loaves on each hand. I picture myself slapping people with them, eating them whole or even detaching them and throwing loaves of bread at people like an early morning newspaper. I would be able to reach things really far away, assuming I have any kind of joint mobility with them. Honestly what’s not to love about the possibility of massive, dough-filled fingers?
- Sushi- Not an entire roll, but each of the slices. Picture having cute little knobs of sushi at your service, all day every day. They would be perfectly absorbent for spills but also delicious if I wanted to eat my fingers. Ideally I’d have a different roll on each finger. For part of my line up I’m thinking California Roll pinkies and Salmon Roll thumbs. I would probably stay away from nigiri for the rest because it does seem less practical than an actual roll. AH, I want sushi.
Comment with your food for fingers ideas! We would love to hear if you go practical or delicious. As always, we’ll be back next Tuesday with more silliness.
Sending love and baguettes,
B & L